lady gaga's bad romance is so stuck in my head. ok, that was a side note.

there must be something i wish to rant about in here, since i've not been posting entries in this blog for a long long time. its about lzk, again, as usual. perhaps he's the only person that can affect me so much other than my family.

i still cant believe he smoked up in aussie. he said he wont club even if the rest went, but he went anyways. that's fine. im alr living with the fact that he doesnt quite keep to his words. but smoking up? wheat? and he can shrug it off and say 'its only wheat. its not even smoking up. it was only a stick.' oh how funny. drugs are drugs. didnt bother to argue with him cos its just pointless. i alr know the end of the argument. he'd just say 'baby i'm sorry. it wont happen again.' what's the point of that? i've just got this very strong feeling that he's still fucking immatured at heart. his actions really irk the hell out of me. and all the more i realize that this is not the kinda guy i want to spend my life with.

i use this example all the time, but im gonna use it again. i can alr imagine someday, he'd sleep with someone else and come tell me the same thing, 'baby i'm sorry. it wont happen again.' seriously. he keeps saying its a different issue and this analogy doesnt work. but to me, its the same fucking thing, because its just HIM and his little MIND that is just so freaking immatured! and i jolly well know, that if one day that 'analogy' of mine truly happens, i'll blame myself for being so stupid for accepting his apologies again and again.

true enough, i might only be 22. i dont need to plan for whatsoever family, i dont need to find a guy i want to settle down with at this moment. i've got a few more years probably. but still, i dont want to waste time on someone i dont even see as my future partner. selfish as it sounds, i really dont. and yet this is what lzk is showing me time and again. that he is really not the one. its like he's PROVING to me that he is NOT the one for me. i cant believe this.