justin lo's mei li zhi zui has been making me cry over and over again. i think the lyrics are beautiful, and some of it really speaks of what i want to say. i've never cried so hard before in my life. im trembling. and i cant control myself, let alone my tears. i dont know why its so painful.

he was the guy who really made me happy, and probably no one else i meet this life will be able to make me as happy. but he also brought me such misery. that pain in my heart still refuses to go away. im starting to find it hard to breathe.

i know there's a part of me that wishes that i could bump into him on the streets. but there's the other part of me that tells me i shd quietly walk away if that happens.

damn the swollen puffy eyes. i think im gonna be dehydrated or anorexic soon, from all that crying and all that not eating.



its never easy to stomach a breakup.
i keep telling myself that.
but it doesnt make it any easier.
it doesnt make me stop crying.
hard to believe all i did for the r/s just went down the drain like that.


and now i wipe my tears and meet his friends.
probably for the last time.



my r/s has soured to a point it seems almost impossible to redeem. in fact, i dont quite think i'd end up friends w him even if we split up. yea, that's how bad its got. both of us cant come up w a solution to things. he's keeping himself busy and to me, that's just his way of avoiding me. feels like may08. he just wants to find an escape and not bother. then seriously, why bother holding on even.

haa. i still dont see a solution. if this is it, then let it be.

i always say that ppl have to take charge of their lives. but this time round, wo zhen de ren ming le. i've lost all energy to fight, even though its smth i wish i could hold on to.

i did think that he was the one, but time and again, im made to believe 'stories' and 'reasons' i really dont quite believe. lies. lack of trust. now, we dont even speak properly to each other. haa. its the first time any r/s of mine has turned out this way. its the first time im faced w problems regarding an 'ex-gf'.

i dont know what to make out of it. this is not my forte.