so many things have been going on at home. im not in control, but i do feel guilty that things have turned this way. i hate hearing all the things they have to say, and honestly, i just want to pack up and leave this house now. but i know i'd hurt both of them. and right now, there is enough hurt going around in this family alr.

as for the relationship, we went thru some ridiculously insane stuff. and up till now, im not too certain if i can trust him and all that he says. cos there is absolutely NO proof. words, and all words. and im supposed to trust his words as they are. though they do sound stupidly "impossible". but im alr jaded by all that is happening, be it the r/s or the family. im too tired to question zk any further. not that im convinced. but simply that i have no energy. i only wish he could really assure me that what he's said is the truth. that's all. sadly, i told him HOW he could do it, but he couldnt do it in the end. haa. whatever. i cant find any strength to pursue or argue further. he's still him. he still holds a soft spot for her. its obvious and undeniable, however hard he tries to deny it.

insomnia. yes its back. perhaps its all the problems, all the stress, and all the tears. sleepless nights again. night after night. like i told zk, if this relationship doesnt kill me, insomnia will.