you went thru so much for him and this happens? dont be silly la.

i did it for myself too. it wasnt all for him.

yea right. seriously YOU are the one getting hurt here, not him. let's just be frank la. he leaves you and you're still left with nothing, nothing but a huge scar.

i know. i dont know. i want to believe him, i really want to. but im trying so hard it gets trying. and i feel like im breaking down from within.

then dont push yourself so hard.

i wish i could. i wish i could stop this feeling of unsettled-ness. i wish i could cry it all out. but i know it is not that simple. crying wont help.

cry then. stop keeping it all in. its obvious. you're showing it. though i know you dont want to.

why do things have to get so complicated?

cos love is simple. but a relationship is not.

why cant i erase my memories?

cos you will then forget you once loved him.

all the better. perhaps i do want to erase my memories then.












i need inner peace. im starting to feel like a fool all over again. i dont know what's the truth and what were lies. i wish he could just be absolutely honest and tell me everything right from the start. bit by bit. even the lies. the truth. the everything. total honesty. i cant promise it'd make me feel better. i cant promise i'd believe everything. but i might, i MIGHT feel better.

forgiving, or putting this issue aside, i dont see what's the point. its just a time-bomb waiting to go off. tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock. the next time smth happens, i'd explode again. and things get ugly. and when that happens, i can already foresee what i'd be telling myself at that time:

"see. look at what you've got. you just deserve this, cos you chose to forgive him time and time and time again. you NEVER learnt. not from your previous relationship, not from your current. you put yourself in this vulnerable position, so don't blame it all on him. blame yourself for being stupid. as usual."

if i choose otherwise now. if i let it all pass. what's gonna change? nothing? haa. what a slanted choice i gotta make now.