times like this, i really do wonder, why do i even bother going thru so much for him? perhaps i went thru all that for myself. maybe i'd feel better thinking that way.

not feeling well at all. physically, mentally. a lill groggy from the alcohol. that's an understatement. i needs sleep. finally i can sleep at 2.14am. this is a feat. maybe i need some alcohol to put me to sleep. i wish i wont wake up at all.



fuck la. finally wanna go out and get some food. it rains. and then he is there. what the fuck. killed all the little bit of appetite i had.



forced by circumstances.

scared. worried. panicky. but what can i do?

i have no choice. and i don't wanna let myself think of choices anyway.

i can only hope and pray it all goes well.

sorry, my darling.



hmm....... what more can i say... hmm....... the world is so small.

things will go full circle. i believe in karma. one's actions now, will eventually pile up the good/bad karma one has.

i feel so happy with deardear now it all seems a little unreal. feels like smth will break my streak of happiness. i really worry too much sometimes. cant even give myself a break and just bask in joy and happiness and what's not. albeit boring, and broke, i am enjoying those little bits of time we spend with each other.

i agree, there could be some guy out there who loves me more than him. i also admit that lzk didnt handle our previous 'breakup' well. one can almost say he was f-ed up. i do know that i might be able to find someone richer, cuter, treats me better, or whatsoever. afterall, im only 21. but i think many do not realize how difficult it is to find someone who manages to make u happy. truly happy. that's why i refused to give up on him though he did let me down. maybe that's why we're still tgt. cos we are simply happy tgt. that's all.

one may say, there is alot to a relationship, but one may also say, there really isnt nothing much to a relationship. "except being happy together", is probably what i would add. there are bound to be leaps of faith, tonnes of disappointments. but who cares? EVERY relationship goes thru all of that. no big deal!

after the breakup, after these few weeks back with him, after all the prep-talks by friends... im done listening and explaining, so i've come to my own stand. and i wont regret it, cos this is what i want. holding on to some hope, some faith, some trust. holding on to the guy i love. this is what i want.

yesyes, i am stubborn. sometimes in the right ways though!