sometimes he infuriates me so bad my head starts throbbing and my vision starts blurring. i swear im trying very hard to control my temper, but the way he treats me just...... totally throws me off my balance. he makes me feel like im unimportant, worthless really, in his eyes. then his actions just speak for themselves. how am i supposed to react? i shd be accepting him and his current lifestyle. i take deep breaths and tell myself that this is it. this is what i fought so hard for. so i better hang in there. i dont know if im trying too hard and im blinded by my love for him. so much so that im condoning all his flaws. i really dont know. perhaps im holding on to a love that is no longer there even. but i try. i still try. dont ask why. i just love him too much. im stupid, yes i am. friends, whether his or mine, all told me the same thing. i have too much faith in him, that's what they say. a leopard never changes its spots, that's what they warn me. but i still fight for him, despite the way he treats me nowadays. i want to believe that he is still him. and my stubborn character wants to prove that he still loves me, somewhere deep down, that he still has feelings for me.

this song probably says what i fear. sighs. i only have that much positivity. it'll wear out. but im forcing myself to hang in there. i dont believe he is essentially like that.