the longer you are with someone, the more you know about him/her, the more you remember, and the harder it is for you guys to stay together...

i dunno if that's the case for everyone, but it certainly seems the case for me. i remember too much. too many things that cloud my mind whenever something triggers off that entire string of bad memories. does ANYONE even understand how i feel or think? or am i being paranoid, unusual and unreasonable?

lzk always has his reasons for this and that. for the blog entry, he said it wasn't him. (and the post disappeared instantly.) for the photo, he said it was coincidental. for the emails, he said he had no idea how it was the case. then he says she has a bf alr. then he says they are no longer in contact. then now he says she's les. for this, for that, for the other, he always had reasons/excuses or whatever u may call them. after the photo incident, all the explanations just sound like bullshit. who can blame me for not trusting him? it seems like lying is always a convenient option to him. and he shrugs everything off with 'i dont know'. so can i. i dont know how to bear with him any longer. but then again, i dont know how to leave him.

i feel like crap. seriously. i am so unhappy in this relationship i cant breathe. like i said, i know too much, i remember too much. memories cant be erased like data can be deleted on the comp. and trust, once lost, its almost impossible to regain it.

lzk likes to ask "so what can i do now?" the answer is really "nothing". not that im pissed and i cant be bothered to answer. truly, honestly, some things just cant be replaced. some things just do not go back to the way they were. cos its impossible. you may turn the hands of the clock backwards, but nothing changes.

this feeling sucks. that's why i want to get out of it. i dont want to have anything more to do with him. but my heart refuses to listen. it refuses to stop beating for him. so what can i do now? i dont know.

im so tired. im so hurt. im so tired. im so hurt. im so tired. im so hurt. i want out. i want out. i want out. i want out. i want out....