i trusted him. i tried my best to. but seems like i should not have. i loved him. i really did. maybe i should not have. i am worrysome. sometimes one may say i get paranoid. but i dont worry for no reason. i base my justifications on evidence. then again, one may say im biased. perhaps. i mean, there must be smth wrong with me for both guys i really loved in my life to lie to me constantly rite? maybe its just me. i attract the wrong guys. or smth. like i told lzk, i only want someone faithful, honest, and someone who loves me. isit that hard for ppl to stay faithful and honest? well, every guy i've been with says that he loves me. nobody can measure that, so i can only base that on feelings. faithfulness and honesty. isit really that tough? im setting standards too high? haa. oh well. so be it. i can never see a future with someone unfaithful or dishonest. so let's just say, good riddance. may i find someone better. not in the near future though. im not prepared. i've lost even more faith and trust in men in general. why huh? why do they just like to lie for convenience sake? so what if the truth hurts? he was the one that promised to tell me the truth even if its not pleasant. what's this shit now? all that crap about his ex gf was rubbish too. he took a picture with her (that's a fact), he smsed her (that's a fact), he emailed her (that's a fact), he was upset on my birthday cos it was her birthday as well and he blogged about it (that's a fact), and he always wants to know how she's getting on (though he has tried to hide it several several times). and he says "im not in contact with her at all!", and im supposed to trust him and believe him. lies lies and more lies. deceit. cheat. scam. big fat liar. he shd stop thinking that he can get away with lying to me or anyone about everything. just cos he wants to save the explanation, save the quarrels. those are not even reasons. those are excuses. he's just so fucking used to lying. so fucking used to me giving in to his stupid "reasons". so fucking used to me being naive. and when we quarrel, he's perfectly fine! he goes out with friends, plays mj, hangs out late, and his smses always read "do u know how much u're affecting me or not?" hahahaha. only NOW do i find that funny. how ironic. im making u miserable and u're in a pitiful, sad state. but u're enjoying yourself with friends anyways. that's just so fake la. oh please.

im done. done with all this fake niceties, done with this guy in my life. of course i'd be crying and wallowing in self pity a little. but i'll get back up in due time. i hate liars. really do. im still figuring out how to get my stuff back from his place. haha. his mom shouldnt hate me. i might be able to get her to open door. or at most ask his sis to bring the things out and i'll meet her in town. him aside, i love his family, his friends, and everything else. i love him, of course i do. i've been with him for 2yrs odd. but there's just some things of him that wont change. we never really suited each other. but our paths crossed. thank God for that. i learnt something.