i figured that i do not like to stayover at zk's place.

1. i don't feel as comfy as i do at home.
2. i hate waking up to face somebody's back.
3. he doesn't make me feel any different sleeping next to him or sleeping alone.
4. im used to ppl putting me to bed. (when im with someone that is.)
5. i cant wake up without being afraid of waking him.

all in all, i do not like to sleep with him. makes me feel insignificant, unimportant or just plain uneasy.



randomness.

harry and sy are buddies in camp.

spring'08 is starting in 2 days.

i blog here when i feel stupid.

read the above, and u know how i feel now. why am i always the last to know of things? it isn't like i can do anything right here, right now, so i might as well let it pass. i seriously do not know if this r/s is worth persevering for. but then again, like a fren has noted, "not everyone will do everything to keep a r/s. it is not by chance that u're doing this every single time. u know inside u there is a reason. u don't have to put the reason into words to believe that its true." doesn't that make alot of sense? its not always the same old reason of "soft-heartedness". well, even though so, i just feel lousy today. let me cry abit more and i'll wake up a happier girl tmr.

i think too much. even a girl 3 years older tells me that. haa.. my only explanation is that as one grows older, one gets more immune to the things that they were once sensitive to. so let me rant all i want, and let me speak my mind. for when i'm older, i'd be like anyone of u out there, i'd be another walking zombie working to earn a living. too tired to voice my thoughts, numbed. let my heart beat while it still feels pain.

i've never thought of myself as a great friend, an attractive girl, or anything of that sorts. i don't despise myself, but at the same time, i don't see any reason for others to protect me and fight for me. its ironic how everybody sees me as the fierce little girl, and at the end, i can't even fend for myself or fight for what i want. i don't intend to hurt anyone. i swear. why do guys have to mistake my concern as a form of affection or love? nic's not the first. hazei understands, but who else does? i feel like i've screwed up not only my friendship w nic, but also nic and hazei's r/s. i hate this feeling. she doesn't deserve this, she doesn't.

its amazing that we're so similar. ppl think we're strong, so much so that even we think we are! only then do we realize that we're peanuts. we crumble cos of minute things. haa.. we're so uncannily similar its scary. 2 taureans, 3 years apart. i remind her of herself, while i see myself in her.

i'm sorry...