an old song rings in my head:

Everytime I think of you
I get a shot right through into a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine
But it's a problem I find
Living a life that I can't leave behind
There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows

Everytime I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
You say the words that I can't say

I feel fine and I feel good
I feel like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves
Like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think your what you seem
I do admit to myself that if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be

Everytime I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
Say the words that I can't say

Everytime I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
Say the words that I can't say

---------------------------------

i used to hold all the aspirations and hopes for love till he broke my beauty dream. never did i feel that im pretty, sought after or even attractive in any means of measure. moments of pseudo-happiness with flings never lasted, for i knew i couldnt be tied down. partially because i didnt believe i could tie down any guy, cos i lacked that tad of self confidence. i was never comparable to others. charisma? looks? character? none. this guy came along, built me up, but let me down. but i know he holds that special place in my heart.

he took many things away from me. stripped me of my confidence, robbed me of my hopes. now i see a Replay going on in Chris' life, and im getting all emotional, getting disoriented. i dont want him to end up like me. i dont want him to fight so hard, to end up with nothing. but i soon realized that he has to go through all that fighting to learn. at the end of it, he'll learn. no point having me tell him what's right, what's wrong, who's at fault.

infidelity is sucha common sin nowadays, it might no longer be considered a sin.















love's an abstract i cant understand. i no longer hope, i dun believe promises, i dun trust people. that makes me feel so much safer. i cry for what's lost, what's gone. i yearn for what's missed, what i cant obtain. some things will NEVER be. some things are MEANT to be. i wonder how long this will last.