"didnt he say he was going to quit? forget it la. he wont."
"u're sick and u're doing everything (for mj). he's just sitting there?"
"he can flirt with other girls in front of u?"
"he's quite a spendthrift huh?"

i cant even answer mommy without feeling guilty myself. guilty that my bf is indeed just like that. i cant even find reasons to cover up for him. i dont know what more to say. sometimes its not that im not helping him. i didnt tell my mom he's jobless. i didnt dare tell mom or his mom that i spent my money on those blades and his watch and what's not. i didnt tell mom all my heartaches, just cos i want her to have a good impression of him. but just from the few times she has met him, all my efforts go down the drain.

"from what u say last time, of the type of guys u want to find, i have no idea why u found him."

told him about tmr's supper since last week. confirmed w dil and na way beforehand. only to realize today that he's working tmr. talked to han that morning about him. how he spends without thinking (when he has money), only to run into deficit amount and loan from friends or me. he has no money concept in that sense. he bets on soccer like he's still earning full time pay. jolly well knowing that we lost more than 1k in worldcup season. he doesnt think he'll ever run out of money, as he has me, his friends to loan from, and his parents. he doesnt plan for his future. banking, yes. but the bank's so huge, what banking? he says he'd do this, he'd change, he'd remove that, he'd improve. but none of the above is achieved. in fact, has he even changed for the better over the year plus i've been with him? i really doubt so.

yes he's nice, he loves me. i cant help but ask myself, "so? so what? is that going to cover up all his shortcomings?" its either he's been this way all these while, and i have been accepting it, or he's became like that, and i cant accept it. im not gonna believe in any of his promises, and up till now i've learnt one thing. i cant trust him.