my relationship w zk isnt doing fine. its got to a point where talking to him is a necessity, in harsher terms, a chore. we cant talk to each other. and he may be right about me seeing more and more of his shortcomings. am i being too demanding or is he too insensitive to what i need? perhaps what he gives isnt what i want, similarly, what i give isnt what he wants. if that's the case, then what's the point of the whole relationship?

i keep feeling so gek when he doesnt understand what im saying. its like we're speaking two different tongues altogether. it gets exasperating, then discouraging, then time and again, i'd just tell him we shd forget it. yes, i do not believe in compatibility, but i do believe that communication is crucial to any relationship. if we cant even talk and understand each other, what do u want me to say? indeed, he has all the rights to be unhappy about me meeting other guys. i wonder if he really considered what was best for my interests at that point in time. going to brianna's place, do work with the radio and their mahjong noises in the background, or meet sy to study and do work tgt. i chose the former, and i regretted. came home at 230am and had so much to answer to my parents today. fuck. i shd have loitered outside instead. but i needed my laptop. fuck. so i faced the interrogation of my parents today. made dad dissatisfied and suspicious. everything is just so screwed up. i keep making wrong choices, don't i? there was sy, there was jc education, there was the choice of going to brianna's place yday. by keeping all this from dad, by insisting so adamantly to be w zk, am i making the right choice?

im feeling demoralized cos i have to do mkting presentation alone tmr, my interview assignment really sucks and i'd be damn lucky to PASS it, and mommy is fucking screaming at me from the living room about some darn retarded issues. i know what i need now. i need a fucking good CRY. im sick of all this. i need someone, something to make me happy. for once, nothing works. not even happy food. not even lex. the feeling of nothingness digs me from within, and i just feel like puking.