i succumbed to him again. its just another chance im giving myself and him. to work things out, to let this r/s reach its full potential, whatever it may be. i dont know how it is to him, but i think the two of us can do so much more tgt, and we can go much further than this.

i couldnt stand it working yday. there was the incident abt mgq that left me so pissed. then i had to see things i wish i didnt see. the scariest thing is that people can be SO two faced. i really mean one face to me, turn around and i see another. just in a snap of the fingers, its as though i never knew this person. fine, i've seen the true colors. what's exasperating and painful is that my own boyfriend is being treated like a fool throughout the whole situation. there's no point confronting the person, let's just name him/her A. i've seen not once, not twice, but let's just say enough incidents to justify why im thinking the way i think right now. i guess enough is enough, and i know what sorta distance to maintain from A. couldnt resist myself this afternoon after i left dear, and it was like my fingers werent listening to my mind, and they just sent a message to warn him. its so unfair to him, and its so terrible being in my position. i dont want to ruin anything, i just hope for him to realize it himself, to know what's right what's wrong, who's to trust and who not to. it isnt that im unwilling to share my views with him. its that im in a position he cant truly understand either. i've done what i could, i tried.. the rest is really up to him. sighs.

one thing i really like about nic is his frankness. he admits that he's interested in me. he knows that i love zk. when im upset, he doesnt use the situation to his advantage and try to get close. he analyzes the situation and tells me what's best for me, making me think, what or who i really want so that i'll be happy. i really thank him for that. he may have questioned me about the r/s b4, about zk, but its really just to make me think, its for my own good. i realized he's one person who doesnt incorporate personal bias into our friendship. i like straightforward people. they tell u everything straight from within, sometimes neglecting your feelings, but at least its the truth.