im missing you more than ever
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
i need to re-evaluate certain ppl, certain things in my life.
that might give me a grip on what's happening now.
had a tiff w deardear yday. again. sighs. i dunno how to let him understand that i talk to my frens about my probs. not that he isnt impt, but cos i feel that the problem lies with me. so if i can talk to some frens n come to my senses, i would be saving a quarrel w him. if im reasonably upset, i'd talk to him about it. however, he doesnt see it that way.
hannah made it to first runner up of fhm gnd. sweets.
im actually starting to think that dear is so insensitive bout some things, and oversensitive bout others. always happens doesnt it? but he doesnt know me well. in fact, i do wonder how much he understands me. talked to gen abt her n leonard, and then kinda drifted into the topic of soulmates for awhile. i once had a soulmate, sy. and truly, he is my soulmate cos he really understands me. he knows how i feel and think. he can empathize and he cares bout me. but that was before. yes, i've changed, but i guess im essentially me, so to a certain extent, sy kinda hits spot on sometimes. if i complain to him bout a certain issue, he can go "so now u're pissed and contemplating if u should give up right?". its like he knows my train of thoughts. and even if i try damn hard to conceal my emotions, he can tell. seems like the contrary for zk. even if i dont conceal, he'd be the last to notice... kinda disappointing at times. ok, to be fair, i dont know much bout him either. trust issues, character discrepancies. all those still affect us time to time. whether its about him n his ex, me n sy, we never come to an understanding about it. i dont know how long its gonna go on.
one thing i know, i do love limzhikai. i love him much more than any other i've ever loved. i don't care if he's flawed, i don't care if he makes me upset. cos i've put him in worse situations. i get pissed with myself when i upset him. the only reason being that i love him. unknowingly, he has become a huge part of me... and i cant afford to lose him. i hate to feel so weak and dependant on someone else, but im afraid i have fallen into the same trap again.