studying session somewhat ended up as chatting session w han.. it was nice, really. having her to listen n share her views. there arent many that can communicate with me on that level.

met up w ivy n wx for coffee the other day. n naturally, the topic would drift to sy. i wouldnt have known them if not for him anw. wx made it clear that he wasnt speaking up for him, thank god. it was nice catching up w them cos i havent met them for so long. ivy's still working at the clinic, wx's busy w all his pets at home. haha.. n they're still going strong. they didnt know much of what happened between sy n me, except for hearing some stuffs from sy, seeing some stuffs for themselves. n yea, they wanted to kpo. managed to talk to them bout everything... dating back all the way to 2004. n then i got hit by the surge of emotions again. n tears fell. din exactly cry, but i did tear. cos certain things are just too painful to swallow. but at least that nightmare's over. "we thought he treated u v well.. and we really thought u guys were a perfect match..." hmm, i realised there's no perfect match for me out there. n sy, was far from perfect. he may have treated me the way i loved to be treated, but apart from tt, all the rest was either a fluke, or just that pretty glitzy front everyone else saw. hypocrisy or what? perhaps i lived in a lie for too long.

after sy, many things dun matter as much to me. nothing much really touches my heart. sweet nothings are really nothing. smses, goodbye kisses, letters, bus-tickety-hearts. enough of those. not that they arent sweet, but i cannot bring myself to believe. they're just material things that hold no meaning if the person is not there. no more looking-into-"our"-future. cos i dun see futures anymore. no more surprises for another. i dun put in as much effort now. whichever guy comes along the way, i'll just try n see if it works out, if not, we'll part ways n stay friends. easy come easy go. i'll make sure i can live without the guy in my life.

i try, and i still try, to be more rational than emotional. to listen to my head and not my heart. i've learnt my lesson. cos it hurts. still hurts.



Artist: Chicago Lyrics
Song: If You Leave Me Now Lyrics

If you leave me now,
You'll take away the biggest part of me.
Ooh.... no baby please don't go.

And if you leave me now,
You'll take away the very heart of me.
Ooh.... no baby please don't go.

A love like ours is love,
That's hard to find
How could we let it slip away.

We've come too far to leave
it all behind
How could we end it all this way.

When tomorrow comes
then will both regret
the things we said to-day

Ooh girl I've got to have you by my side.
Ooh no baby please don't go.
Sweet mama just got to have your love inside me.


(Happy Feet has to be the only movie to make me laugh listening to this song...)