losing my appetite. han says its cos im not happy. haha. if tt's the way to diet i dun mind u know. i've no idea how to talk to anyone, though im feeling like a little lost sheep. i dun even know what im doing. i dunno what i want. its just like a trial n error, testing waters with every step im taking. i dun have the courage to pull out, neither do i have the faith to push on. so im left stranded, hanging on.

i've never knew how to express my thoughts, cos im so used to having someone reading them. so now i try to learn to speak up, and i fail terribly. haha. how pathetic, for a 19 yr old. not even capable of relating her thoughts and ideas. still waiting for that person who can read her mind, analyze her thoughts, know her inside out. that person's gone my dear.. n i dun expect another 'him' to appear anytime.

sy was a major letdown. if i lack the courage to pull out of this r/s, sy definitely lacks the courage to admit his r/s w me. downright disappointment. im very put off. very. cos he means so much to me, and it seems like i mean nothing to him. crap. f-ed up. from now on, we're simply "ex-classmates", as he puts it. one day we might meet on the streets as though we never knew each other. an ex bf i thot i'd weather the storms with, someone i thot would go the distance with me, an ex-soulmate. now, barely acquaintances. i get it. tt's the reality of life. face it.