my first trip overseas w zk. just a busride across the crossway, but out of sg nonetheless. w cm n gf, nanjun n gf, fugene n qinyun! it was fun filled n all, but i hate the fact that sometimes, i actually had a selfish wish that the one next to me was the same person a year back. its just this ticklish feeling that i cant explain, but i know im loving the company of zk. what would i want to change if a genie gave me the option of changing anything about me or my life? i want to change the sequence. cos i'd be able to appreciate things more, cherish things better, see people clearer, listen to my heart and understand myself better. i even told dear i'd want to meet him earlier, and sy later. he probably thinks its cos i think i'd last w sy if i met him later. but really, i might never leave zk for someone like sy. i wanted to meet zk first cos i'd be spared from the torture of memories, so i can really concentrate on loving him.. i really want to. but right now, i find myself convincing myself to.

seeing cm n his gf is real sweet.. n knowing that they'd be put thru a 2 yr trial, cant help but keep my fingers crossed for them. new environments, new people can make a huge difference in one's life. sher is a really cute btw. haha. she's like those sorta sweet n cute girls that always look 20. n i applaud them for their courage to step into this r/s of theirs. =)

there were 2 personalities that filled the space after sy. but they came n went. cos i wasnt ready to settle down. n then zk appeared out of nowhere, absolutely nowhere. n i plunged into the unknown, getting tgt with this guy i knew for less than a mth. ended up having sex w him, and brushed it off as just another fling. now.. i dun see where we're headed for, but i do know that i love this guy who took me by surprise.

for sy, we started off as frens. classmates n cca pals. he became my confidante, my companion, eventually, my soulmate. we never were a conventional couple. nv in anyone's eyes. we couldnt quarrel, we never did. but lots of heartaches, lots of tears. loved each other a hell lot, but things always turned awry.. which was why i really felt that we met at the wrong time. we constantly had misunderstandings over fel, and he nv bothered to make much clarification, and i nv probed. well, if he wants to come clean, he would.. there's no pt probing. things got out of hand, he went overboard, n i gave up. he thot i'd never let go, cos i always hung on no matter what happened. i'd cry buckets and the next day it was as though nothing happened. i really really love him. the way he makes me feel. the way it seemed like nothing would falter that love between us. the way he made me feel like i was priceless without any sweettalk, without any effort. but its saddening cos in the end, i was the one that gave up. which is probably why i think it could have gone on, if i bothered to hold on to that last straw. we shared everything for 2yrs. he walked me thru my jc life, n left just b4 my As. bittersweet memories, which have since plagued me for a yr plus.

went back to clubbing n flings n all, n i was contemplating to settle down w one. but it was meant to be a fling right from the start, i wont break my promise. he said i was one girl he wanted to settle down with, n i sensed sincerity, but that sincerity didnt move me. im someone hard to tie down. someone once told me to go out there n have all the fun i can, and if one day i returned to him, tell him all that he's missed out in my life. you know that darling has left his footprints in my heart just by saying that. both of us wanted to stop fooling arnd n get serious, but he realised i was too young, n i couldnt be tied down. and really, he's one sweet fella. if i were more sensible, i shd have gone with him. if im really one that ppl want to stay put with, why didnt i manage to stay put w sy..? but the one person that weighs my heart down is still sy..

i like talking to dear the way we did at the voiddeck. n i realised, if he could be so honest bout his flings, his past.. i really shdnt have anything to doubt. so what if he's still concerned over her? so what if there was a neoprint that made me really upset? if he's true to me here n now, all those wont matter. dwelling in pasts only forge misunderstandings in future. yes im scared, but there's no pt worrying. if he has to leave, he will.. whether its for another her or for some weird reason. everything will happen for a reason. i wonder what's his reason in my life, n my reason in his..

maddie, not everyone will take advantage of you n cheat on u like sy did..

i want to him to hug me to bed tonight... :(

this song means alot to me... alot.

你最近不说话 怎么了 为什么
是不是有什么事让你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单 有点乱 有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁

你想要的 我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的 却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合 也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭

常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早已就结束
不想再约束不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路

你最近不说话 怎么了 为什么
是不是有什么事让你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单 有点乱 有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁

你想要的 我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的 却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合 也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭

常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早已就结束
不想再约束不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路

爱我却不能够 给你我全部
我能给的 却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合 也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭

你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路
这一次我们都能很幸福