mad, be strong.

i've to repeatedly tell myself that cos i know im not. i know im crumbling. when i've tried so hard to build myself up again, someone just came n toppled it over. am i convincing myself? no, not the least bit. im lost. n this sorta emptiness is killing me.

my emotions are so tightly strung up my tear glands work at almost anything. i thot i forgot heartache. i thot i forgot what it was like to miss someone, to lose someone. u just hurled it all back at me, again.

i cry.. and i keep crying. did u know that i stopped crying after you left? not for another guy at least. now im crying, cos of you, again.

it took so much out of me to admit to myself, n zk, that im not over you. when u gave me hope, when u said u wanted me, when u said that u were willing to give anything to try again... did u mean it? or was it false hope, again? do u know i was willing to give up zk n try with you? do u know that im giving up someone i love cos i really really want it to work between us? do u know what u're doing is just killing me slowly.. and here i am.. dying a slow and painful death? do u know how much i like zk? in fact i love him. he's everything u're not, he may not give me everything u gave, but he tries. but u've never left my heart. never. now im a selfish bitch keeping a guy by my side, though i feel for my ex. wth is this. seriously, i hate myself. i hate the ME you turned me into. i was so close, so damn close to giving up my r/s cos of u. n you, you got into a r/s while swooning me w sweet words. fuck. i was stupid enough to believe it all. cos i believe you.

everything's destined. no matter how i hide, i'll still face u eventually. i had to hear bout her from ur mom. not even from your own mouth. u didnt explain. not a single word. is this all it is to u? all that u told me, a pack of lies? fucking lies? i hate ppl lying to me. u know that. u disappointed me, again. u dashed my hopes, again. u cheated on me, again. i cant believe i was almost put in the position of the third party this time round.

no amount of time will heal this. no amount of tears will make me feel better. u hurt me real deep this time round. u've just pushed me to pit bottom, again. da.. i really wonder how you could be so cruel....

tears show me the true you.. when will i stop crying... for you....