i dunno what to make out of this r/s i have w zk.. yes i care, yes i love him. but i cant forgive myself for being selfish enough to keep him by my side, knowing that eventually, if i had a choice... i might not stay by his side. i do not want to use him, neither do i want to lose him. freak. im just being darn selfish here. sometimes i just hate myself for wanting everything.. cos i really feel that zk doesnt deserve this.. at all. neither do i deserve to be trapped.. trapped in this warped feeling i myself cant decipher.

i knew it was wrong to go over to his place this morning. when all i wanted from the start was a break. but it really aches me to know that he's alone in his room.. n all he needed was someone to be there... sighs. its always like that. softheartedness always brings me back to the same pt i started out from. seriously, its back to square one. but now, its clear to zk what i want. n i've absolutely no idea why he's still here.... n whether its for the better or worse.