i dunno to be happy or sad that u reacted this way. but i was just looking back n thinking.. how hard i had to try to make myself happy in the past, how i alr gave up everything just to be w him, n how i held on to the last straw for so so so long.. n it really looks dumb now. given a choice, i wouldnt want it to repeat. it was like a rollercoaster ride from heaven to hell, and i must admit that he was a huge part of me, but he was also the one who brought me down. i can only chide myself for being stupid. but whatever happens, happens for a reason. he appeared in my life for a reason too. im starting to think, if the reason for his existence is for me to cherish what i have in future.

my blogs are always misread, misintepreted. n i think its causing dear some distress. sighs. perhaps he's feeling all the more insecure, since i contemplated giving up our r/s once. i may not be too sure of this whole r/s, i dunno why i love him. but since i stepped into it, i will make it work. the previous entry was in favor of zk, but in the end he thot otherwise. is my english that bad or are my thots that hard to follow?? i do wonder, how much he understands me after all..