here's what u wanted to know, what i was saying last night.

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11/22/2006 12:03:42 AM A new Beginning~ A whole New Challenge up ahead~
i have enough of whatever u have to say abt him

stop making sound so saint after all these can


11/22/2006 12:04:04 AM :.: sunny rain :.: that's my baby "Lex"!!~
i've enough of all these la... seriously...


11/22/2006 12:04:08 AM A new Beginning~ A whole New Challenge up ahead~
making him


11/22/2006 12:04:35 AM :.: sunny rain :.: that's my baby "Lex"!!~
i've nv made him sound like a saint

its just that we clicked, but at a wrong time

that's all im saying

i've had enough of him


11/22/2006 12:05:17 AM A new Beginning~ A whole New Challenge up ahead~
now then u FINALLY have enough of him


11/22/2006 12:05:20 AM :.: sunny rain :.: that's my baby "Lex"!!~
now u're just putting me off... seriously

there have been things i choose not to ask cos i just want to trust u

there were things i saw that i refused to acknowledge, telling myself its nothing really

just tell me the truth, reading her blog was to link to others' blogs?

n then her friendster?

everything else?

whatever lah dear..

i chose to close an eye n tell myself that it was all unimportant

i convinced myself to believe ur reason of 'linking to other blogs' n all that

i chose to believe what i heard from u n not what i saw

i know u're offline

but u'll read all these when u come back on

n really, i've had enough alright

im done saying my piece...

what u want to say, what u want to do, i dun think i have any control over it

up to u la... i cant n i wont be bothered anymore

it only causes more heartache

forget it

-------------------------------

i know u read my message logs, n i'd appreciate it if u let me know in future.. im alright w u reading them. as for the stuffs on ur comp, i think i just shdnt use ur comp la. i mean, its ur privacy. there's no pt if u keep having to hide things, deleting history or all that just so that i wont be unhappy. seriously, all the stuffs u said about why u read ur ex's blog n all, were excuses. but i try so hard to convince myself that nothing's wrong, i tell myself that u werent lying. what i hear from you sounds nice, all that reassuring, all that sweet words. but imagine how i felt when i see things that prove otherwise? n then i still keep on telling myself, "nvm.. i shall just close an eye and believe you.." wch is why i dun understand why u're so uptight about my guy friends, why u're reading my msg logs without my knowledge.. when im trying so hard to trust you, it seems like u're trying all ways to check on me. u get what i mean?

u always say im not vocal enough, i only know how to put things on my blog. but yday i tried, i really wanted to just talk to u about it, but u simply went offline. i can understand why u were uptight about what i was doing, i can understand why you got mad over the line i posted earlier, i can also understand why u flared up.. but i was really upset when i was just TRYING to voice my opinions, i realised u werent even there to listen. i didnt even know when u went offline. i only knew that i had been talking to the wall. i wasnt the least bit angry at u for flaring up.. cos i know u had a long day, n u werent in the best of moods. i guess the timing was wrong; u left just as i spoke up. maybe u arent fated to hear that at all. or maybe i shd just have kept it to myself, saving all the trouble of yet another confrontation and another convo wrapping up w ur sweet words.

do u know how ironic it is for me to see smth n hear another? does it have to come to a point where we dun use each other's comp/ah pui? dun worry, im not bothered bout that anymore, cos i dun want u to come up with another excuse to hide another fact. yes im upset that u lied, and of cos that does affect me. but im just hoping that i'll convince myself n move on without the need of any confrontation/explanation. ignorance is bliss.

dun worry im fine. im not upset or angry or anything. im pretty much void of feelings nowadays, cos so much has happened. im thankful that u're there for me, but it does get tiring trying to maintain this r/s sometimes. but i'll cont trying.. cos i know its worth it, u're worth my efforts. i really want to love you without restraints. but looking at all the things affecting us, be it sy, be it whatever you or i do, be it our changing environments.. i cant help but feel that im really loving u less. but im still trying.. trying v hard to pick up the pieces... trying to patch things as much as possible. i know u're serious bout this, so am i. the more serious i am about it, the more hurt i feel...

i love bebe. she's so cute. dear put ur cursor above her. she'll stand up n paw u. just like what lex loves to do. =)