sorry. i dont know how to defend myself or explain things. i'll prob just make things worse. yes i contacted him yet again, but this time round, i feel so unjust. cos u really have no idea what i was telling him. dear, i just wished you could listen, or at least, know what we were smsing about, before jumping to any conclusion. you probably have no idea why im so hurt by you asking me to leave.. coz i hate to be ignored n rejected.. especially by my bf. its that feeling i hate most.. im most afraid of. its okay.. u didnt know it'd matter so much to me i guess.. u didnt know i cried the minute i turned away, did ya? its alright.. some things, i still havta learn to cope with it.. even as i type this, i dunno why my tears are falling...

its good that there's no one home, its just lex, music and me.. i wished the previous entry was from me to him now. i was so touched.. n the next moment, im so hurt.