4 days. the xstitch is still halfway in the making. the heart still hangs midway. the idiot is still here waiting... n da refuses to turn and look. even if he did, he wouldnt come near, neither would i. its like a safety distance i gotta keep from him so i wont plunge into it again, n like a doggie chasing its tail, i fail to find a solution. still reading bout him from others' blogs. still hearing from his frens. i dun even know what this is all for. n i dunno how long this will last. i may not see him, i may not contact him, but im still so so so bothered by his well being, his whereabouts, his life. screw it. i feel f-ed up whenever i find myself dwelling back into this. cos it aint justified at all.

i feel guilty towards zk. i was never the only one in sy's heart, n i knew how it felt. now im doing it to zk. sorry dear... will u forgive me if i had another other than you?

i cant describe this feeling.. its so tormenting im going numb... perhaps zk's going thru all this, but he isnt showing it in any way.. cos i believe he loves her as much as i love him... then again, it isnt easy for him to take this all alone. i cant type anymore... tears of guilt towards my baby?

lex's here... n he knows im upset.. cos he pawpawing n sayanging me... n he just rests peacefully on my laps...











and after typing that whole chunk.... i find that the one i really miss and need now is limzhikai. that's comforting to know.