the previous private blog died down, n now i pen thots in here.. some stuff perhaps i wouldnt like zk to know, some stuff i wanna rmr myself.. its 13th aug n its been 5 mths w this darling of mine.. everything from the start was a whirlwind. i din even know what i was in for.. dating a guy 3 yrs older.. losing what i kept for 18 yrs.. trying out things that used to intrigue me. he's a great guy, no doubt.. but sometimes i just find him so... unreliable? tt's if i wanna think bout a future w him. for now im just taking a step at a time, enjoying times spent w him.. n everything's a-okay. if things just stay this way, i think i'd have v lil to fret..

if only if i could think this way when i was w sy.. perhaps we wouldnt be under so much stress.. im only 19, why look so far into the future? i make plans for myself, and whoever's the one by my side at that point in life, so be it.. tonnes of regret about the previous r/s.. cos i let smth so perfect slip right thru my fingers.. n when i try to grasp it, its alr gone.. just like what sy said, "it could have been forever, but we stopped short, and it became smth that ever happened.." like a dream, the startling wake took me by surprise. n i sorta nv woke up.. keep wanting to fall asleep again, go back to where we used to be.. maybe what zk said is true, things may have alr been progressing way faster than i expected between sy n fel.. they were alr so close right before my eyes... i dun wanna know what goes on behind closed doors. talking bout sy, i can still put up a forced smile, but deep within it still kinda hurts. which is why i wonder, how much must one love to be able to forgive like zk did to his ex... it must have been one heck of a love. whatever that means. falling so deep in love's amazing.. u're just so smitten.. but then again, its hard to crawl back up... that's why i took so long.

those flings when i were younger were for cheap thrills, those when i got older were for fun n thrill n curiosity... cant believe zk fell into the latter. even w him now, i do think bout trying things out.. again for thrill. but i realised im starting to love this baby... n i cant bear to hurt him. fidelity isnt THAT tough y'know.. especially when u know u love that one person.. and the rest simply dun appeal as much alr.