just deleted a old old old blog of mine. the one that tracked my r/s w sy. the one that recorded all the ups n downs, the tears n joy.. surprisingly it still hurt a lil. but nth much. just... memories. talked to zk bout sy.. bout all the stuffs i saw n closed an eye to. all he could say was that i was alr at the ultimate stage of self denial. could turn into some deity alr. i think so too man.. how did i take all that down? its all the shit that u go thru tgt that ties u guys tgt.. n indeed, i've been thru lots of crap w sy. one look of his could make me cry. i was so vulnerable, cos i gave him my all.. leaving myself w nothing, almost no self esteem, no pride.. sounds damn pathetic now. at tt point of time, all i could think about was him, all i wanted was him, all i needed was him by my side. anniversaries, festives, holidays.. all those just piece this huge puzzle of me n sy, which somehow crumbled. its ironic how both girls left him.. n its only after leaving him that i realised, he isnt worth it. to think that i turned back b4 he did, hoping for that lil glimpse of hope.. what the heck was i thinking abt? i shd learn to enjoy n treasure this stable, shit-less sorta r/s. less exciting? maybe. less attachment? might not be. it might just be this stability that'll make me love him more... n more.

i love his warm fuzzy hug that puts me to sleep, his hi-and-goodbye kisses, his stupid nicks for me, his smile, his smell.. dang, i even love his irritating ways, his vain mannerisms, his look when im plucking his facial hair, his dumb fights w me.. sometimes i say im getting sick of him, but its so not true... i cant get enough of him...

he asked if i'd forgive him if he slept w another girl.
the ans is, i don't believe he'd ever cheat on me, but if he really ever did, he'd shatter my heart.. n tt's when my heart stops beating for him.

if he ever sets eyes on another girl, he finds someone better (which i dun think is tough at all!), just lemme know. i'll gladly let go. i cant take another blow like the previous. no... i trust limzhikai.